My story…
I wasn’t always fat, but I was never the thin one in the group. Looking back, I suppose that I have always struggled with weight. People would tell me that I just wasn’t built to be thin; after all, I was “big boned”. I remember hearing that when I was little, I would grow in height one year and in weight the next.
At about ten years old, my mother and future step-father offered me a trip to Magic Mountain as an incentive to lose ten pounds. It worked (primarily through temporary changes to household food purchases and cooking), and thus the dieting cycle began.
I was (for a time) the only child of very young parents. This meant that I was indulged more than your average child. Sugary cereals were a staple. School lunches consisted of things like pepperoni, cheese, chips, and snack cakes. Chips and frozen pizza were common snacks. In high school, eating breakfast was a rarity. Lunch was fast food, chips or candy…with a soda, of course.
With the exception of limited dance lessons and cheerleading, I rarely exercised or participated in athletics. I was terrified of P.E. class and felt too shy and uncoordinated to seek out sports.
Weight issues were common in my family. I now realize that those that were thin generally stayed that way through unhealthy methods. Health conscious role models were sparse.
I didn’t gain the typical “freshmen 15” when I entered college. In fact, due to my own unhealthy methods (diet pills, starvation, etc.), when I began dating my future husband at age 20, I was the thinnest I had been in years at a size 7 (130 pounds). I finally felt thin…and deprived.
However, it was short lived. As with many of those in relationships, I got comfortable. Instead of eating when I was hungry, I ate when it was mealtime. Eating became an activity, a pastime. That is when the weight began to slowly sneak on.
Over the next ten years, I steadily put on about 65 pounds. I was busy…I was working full time (primarily desk jobs), trying to finish college, attempting to progress in my career and raising kids (I had gained custody of my sister, in addition to having a stepson).
When I was ready to have a baby, my doctor told me that I should probably lose some weight first and suggested Weight Watchers. I joined the Weight Watchers at work program and lost 15 pounds. It was working, and I was motivated! Then, when I became pregnant, my instructor told me that I should not participate during my pregnancy. In the months following, I ate what I wanted and only ended up gaining about 28 pounds.
When I gave birth, I dropped it all almost immediately. The problem was what happened next. I continued to eat what I wanted and once again, the pounds quickly found me.
Since then, I have dieted and exercised here and there, but nothing consistent. Today (at age 36), I weigh 212.2 pounds.
I am embarrassed and ashamed. I have pretended not to see former friends and acquaintances in public. I have avoided meeting up with old friends. I am horrified about photos. I am very strategic about which pictures of me get posted on Facebook and hate being tagged in others’ photos.
But enough is enough. So, I’ll be transparent, I’ll be embarrassed (perhaps mortified) and I’ll be accountable. Here we go…
DONEbeingFLUFFY 
Hey Nicole! I just saw your facebook link to this blog and haven’t had too much time to browse around yet because we’re heading out the door in a few minutes for a trip to Blythe, but I just wanted to say I think it’s so neat that you are doing this. In fact, I’ve been telling my mom and husband that I want to start a blog about my meals and related blood sugar results. I had gestational diabetes with my son a few years ago and from spot testing over the past few years I know I am pre-diabetic. I had to monitor my blood sugar with my last pregnancy (she was born in September) and I did very well but of course have been off the wagon since giving birth. I need accountability! So, I totally get your reason for starting this blog. I look forward to following your posts….hopefully it will motivate me too! PS – your preggo pic above is so cute!
Thank you so much, Laura! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the support! The thought of potentially being diabetic in the future is a scary one, and definitely a great incentive to make a change. If you are interested in starting a blog, I would encourage you to do it! Although, we’re only a couple of weeks into the process, I have already found it to be just the kind of pressure I need to ensure that I don’t buckle. I have also found that this process is also helping me make better choices for my daughter and is even making her more aware of being healthy (I explain this process to her in terms of being healthy, rather than losing weight). Hopefully, my husband and I can help ensure that making “good choices” regarding food is a habit for her that she carries into adulthood (although, I am certainly better with her food choices than I am with my own). I definitely developed my bad habits young (do you remember sitting in the shallow part of the river together with sodas and a giant bag of Doritos? lol)! Good luck with your process! If you end up starting a blog, let me know…I would LOVE to follow it! Tell your mom I said hi!!
lol….yes, I remember the river and the Doritos….also my kitchen cabinets stocked with twinkies, frosted flakes, cheetos, whole milk, soda, etc. We definitley had a rocky start with healthy eating. But, it’s never too late to change, right? 😀 I also want my kids to know a much healthier way of eating. Sometimes I wonder why I wil let myself eat junk that I wouldn’t allow my son to eat. I guess it’s easier to care for others than ourselves!
Speaking of the river…have you gone over the bridge lately? It’s more like a creek….the low water level is shocking and sad!
Your house was the BEST for snacking!! I definitely think that kids who are raised as the “only child” have a lot more freedom to eat what they want, which generally ends up being those not so healthy items.
No, I haven’t been to Blythe in the last year or two. That IS sad! The river is undoubtedly the best part of the big “B”! Lake Mead, here in Las Vegas, connects to the Colorado River. Supposedly, the lake is supposed to rise significantly this year due to the snow in Colorado and such. Hopefully, that causes the river to do the same!
Nicole~ You are a beautiful and amazing person~ I am very proud of you and know you will succeed at anything you do!! I love you more than life it’s self.
Nicole your doing a great job~I put on 25 lbs since I’ve left Blythe~~Yeah ME~I’ve lost 15 lbs this month~ with the help of fat blockers (from the dr.) and alot of unhealthy starvation~you know what I mean (fluids instead of food) and thats not water for hunger but 5 lbs in 3 days gain~my diet that happens in one day!!SOOOOOOOOOOO keep up the GOOD work!!!!
Use the extra time you have now and your “full throttle” attitude to focus on eating well and exercising. And put down the Diet Mountain Dew and drink some water!